So I have two jobs. Well, I guess if I want to get technical, I could say I have four jobs. Job one, stay at home with the kiddos all day. Job two, take online courses over the summer (two). And I have somehow gotten myself into a pickle here - I have accepted TWO jobs waiting tables/bartending. Not sure which one to keep. Haven't told one I will be gone for the next 10 days. The other knows I will be gone and he isn't sure if he can wait the 10 days b/c they are so busy. So I may not have any job by the time this is all said and done. Have to tell job 1 that I will be gone. Immediately after, I have to go to job two and work all night, hope I do well enough for him to keep me even though I will be gone.
How do I get myself into this crap?
Oh job number five, being a wife. Yeah...I may have been fired from that one. Not sure yet. :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
2 and 1.
Laundry day. Well what day isn't really. Trying to get get ready for a trip to NC is almost like trying to move. I don't mind though. Even going to see our family an hour and a half away for a few days takes some packing savvy. I always forget something. It's not a simple throw the kids in the car and go sort of thing. There are medicines, diapers, wipes, cups, snacks, bottles, clothes, clothes, clothes, hair ties, brushes, ect. Never as easy as it sounds. My least favorite is coming back. The putting back of things. Not a fan. If there were money trees, I think I'd just toss everything each time we traveled and start over, ha ha.
My summer plans are as follows; take two summer classes online, stay home with the kids, and wait tables at night. Yikes. I am going in blindly, just assuming that I can and will do this. I am imagining a nice chunk of change at the end of the summer to begin the fall semester with. I am ignoring the very likely scenario that I will be exhausted.
It was a sobering experience filling out applications. At one of the places, the manager pointed out a girl and told me that she held a masters degree from Ohio State and could not find a job. Well, at least I'm not the only one. Kind of made me feel good in one way. I am not above doing what I need to do. Education doesn't mean much today, but hard work goes a long way. So cheers to working your butt off and hoping it gets you somewhere.
If I could only talk someone into implementing a plan to trade in useless bachelor degrees for more useful ones...no charge!
Laundry day. Well what day isn't really. Trying to get get ready for a trip to NC is almost like trying to move. I don't mind though. Even going to see our family an hour and a half away for a few days takes some packing savvy. I always forget something. It's not a simple throw the kids in the car and go sort of thing. There are medicines, diapers, wipes, cups, snacks, bottles, clothes, clothes, clothes, hair ties, brushes, ect. Never as easy as it sounds. My least favorite is coming back. The putting back of things. Not a fan. If there were money trees, I think I'd just toss everything each time we traveled and start over, ha ha.
My summer plans are as follows; take two summer classes online, stay home with the kids, and wait tables at night. Yikes. I am going in blindly, just assuming that I can and will do this. I am imagining a nice chunk of change at the end of the summer to begin the fall semester with. I am ignoring the very likely scenario that I will be exhausted.
It was a sobering experience filling out applications. At one of the places, the manager pointed out a girl and told me that she held a masters degree from Ohio State and could not find a job. Well, at least I'm not the only one. Kind of made me feel good in one way. I am not above doing what I need to do. Education doesn't mean much today, but hard work goes a long way. So cheers to working your butt off and hoping it gets you somewhere.
If I could only talk someone into implementing a plan to trade in useless bachelor degrees for more useful ones...no charge!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Statistics
So...if you trust the internet, which most of us do, I found that only 65% of children between the ages of 3-4 are able to "wake up dry" even though they are fully potty-trained during the day.
This morning, I had not yet had the opportunity to get the Pull-Up off of P when she informs me that she just 'peed' in her Pull-Up. Nice language, I know. I was ticked. I didn't show it, but I was ticked. I went into a much too long explanation for a 3 1/2 year old about how that was not appropriate and informed her that the Pull-Ups were no more. So here I am, hours later, a new bag of water-proof...stuff doubting those very words.
I am wondering, am I doing the right thing? She typically does NOT wake up dry. Do we wake her during the night to use the bathroom, no we haven't gotten there yet. She certainly doesn't wake up on her own to use the restroom. Am I rushing something that isn't ready? Am I setting her up to be anxious about something over which she has no control? I have no idea.
Who would have thought 'pee' could be such an issue. Ugh.
Guess I'll have to consult the big guns. That's right...mom.
This morning, I had not yet had the opportunity to get the Pull-Up off of P when she informs me that she just 'peed' in her Pull-Up. Nice language, I know. I was ticked. I didn't show it, but I was ticked. I went into a much too long explanation for a 3 1/2 year old about how that was not appropriate and informed her that the Pull-Ups were no more. So here I am, hours later, a new bag of water-proof...stuff doubting those very words.
I am wondering, am I doing the right thing? She typically does NOT wake up dry. Do we wake her during the night to use the bathroom, no we haven't gotten there yet. She certainly doesn't wake up on her own to use the restroom. Am I rushing something that isn't ready? Am I setting her up to be anxious about something over which she has no control? I have no idea.
Who would have thought 'pee' could be such an issue. Ugh.
Guess I'll have to consult the big guns. That's right...mom.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Silence before the sun peaks through
the dawn. Only a slight scratching sound through
the monitor. One by one, the silence fades.
Heads of blonde hair
flowing, curling, glimmering
against the sun shining through the windows.
Familiar tones of the morning blues
soften momentarily to fill bellies
emptied by a not so long nights sleep.
Tears, kisses, hugs, laughter.
Running, squealing, screaming, banging,
crawling, climbing, standing...
Arms open, smiling lips "daddy you're
home!".
Four plates and a high chair, food scattered
on the floor. War of wills and forks and spoons.
Swimming in the open waters of soap, toys and
wash cloths. Damp blonde heads travel to their rooms
one by one.
"Goodnight Moon", more kisses and hugs. Soft humming,
goodnight sweet babies.
Quiet.
the dawn. Only a slight scratching sound through
the monitor. One by one, the silence fades.
Heads of blonde hair
flowing, curling, glimmering
against the sun shining through the windows.
Familiar tones of the morning blues
soften momentarily to fill bellies
emptied by a not so long nights sleep.
Tears, kisses, hugs, laughter.
Running, squealing, screaming, banging,
crawling, climbing, standing...
Arms open, smiling lips "daddy you're
home!".
Four plates and a high chair, food scattered
on the floor. War of wills and forks and spoons.
Swimming in the open waters of soap, toys and
wash cloths. Damp blonde heads travel to their rooms
one by one.
"Goodnight Moon", more kisses and hugs. Soft humming,
goodnight sweet babies.
Quiet.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Doctors, Family and Wheel Bearings
Friday, I had yet another doctors appointment. This IS getting kind of silly, yes. On the bright side, I was able to come off of my blood pressure meds, though I started taking something else. Nothing like keeping the medication cabinet full. Dear pharmacy god, can I please be yellow medicine bottle free for at least a couple of years? I love my liver and would like to keep it. Thank you, that's all.
My neurologist gave me the green light, well the 90% green light. My GP and the neuro had mentioned MS as a possibility. So I was scared to death. I have seen both ends of the MS spectrum. A really good friend of mine's mother has lived with MS for years and remains a positive, outgoing, vivacious, active member of society. My dad's cousin however no longer has the ability to speak, is confined to her bed and also prisoner so-to-speak to all her thoughts that can not escape through her lips. My cervical spine and brain MRI was perfect. 90% of the time, patients with MS typically will have lesions in one of the scans. He wanted to do another of my lower spine and a spinal tap, but I declined. He said if I have another flare-up, we'll go from there.
HOWEVER, true to form, one problem leading to another, one road leading to the next (that would be one doctors office leading to the next)...they found a lesion on my thyroid...or parathyroid. So off I go to a general surgeon. Another cut, another slice, another scar. Another day. When can I STOP being a patient and just be a wife and a mom?
For most people, I am just some freak of nature that either causes these things or just has the worst luck. Since I can't cause a lesion, or the laundry list of other things, I go with option 2. I have had to learn that others can think what they want, and I just don't care anymore. I can't.
Could the lesion be cancer, sure, but unlikely. But if it is, I can honestly say that, "Frankly Scarlett, I just don't give a damn". Not sure if I got that one right. Cancer shmanser. My mom has beaten the beast twice and if this particular beast has chosen me, it is notoriously the weakest cancer beast alive. It'll just be a pain in the butt for everyone. I come from a long line of strength, and when it counts, my genes kick in. Worried? Nope. Annoyed? Very much so.
We went to visit the inlaws this weekend. It's funny, there are so many jokes and sympathies that comes with the "inlaw" term. I don't really have those. They are my family too. Of course we all do things differently. But who can honestly say that they do things exactly the way their own mothers, fathers, sister or brothers do things? No one can say that. It doesn't happen. Diversity is what makes a family fun, it keeps us talking and it keeps us moving. How boring would life be if each and every one of us did the same thing?
My youngest sister in law graduated from her radiology tech program. It's amazing that at 20 years old her whole world will be open for her. She will make a true living and be independent at 20. Her sister did the same thing. There is something to be said for making good choices, making great ones, and making the right ones. They made the right decisions for them and they are and will be very successful because of it. I hope she is as excited and as proud as her smile shows her to be. She has worked hard, overcome some things and has come out on the other side a beautiful young woman, ready to tackle the world. Go Ally!
My nieces and nephews are amazing. Again, so different. Payton loves them all so very much and they are all so sweet to her. Even the budding young man Chase has a soft spot in his heart for all his young, female counter parts.
I can only imagine the pride that their parents feel, let alone the grandparents. The kids are all well behaved and exhibit great manners when expected, and enough spunk when needed! They are all beautiful. So many girls, yet none of them the same. Brenna, so laid back, smart, amazing with the little ones. Avery, a bubbling little brook of beauty, curly hair and enough priss to go around. She's shy but outgoing, sensitive and gives some great hugs. Kinny and Cade - they are funny. Kinny and Payton play so well together. Cade has made so much progress in his communication and is growing and changing each time I see him.
Alyssa is a little momma and little woman in a little girls body. She of course fits right in with her peers. Her long brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin radiate each time I see her. The girls has some legs, let me tell ya. Ashlynn (did I even spell her name right? Oh boy) just turned 4. Dora, Dora, Dora. And Vera Bradley of course. Addison is getting so big. So big in fact, I believe she is now taller than Emery.
I feel like I don't see them much, but those are the things that stick out about them. They are very sweet and loving children. A pleasure.
I had the opportunity to play Vera Bradley Bingo while I was there. The misconception that Bingo was strictly for the elderly has been washed away! I had so much fun! No, I didn't win a bag much to my own disappointment, but fun it was. Watch out Bingo ladies. Next time I'm coming with my gold-plated Bingo stamper thingy!
--------
Dear Car,
While you have taken me many places, I'm not sure I appreciate you. You have rescued us at a time of financial instability, but I don't feel stable. You have suffered the wear and tear of 125,000 miles, but still I feel you owe me more. Why? Because I do not want to fix you any more. I do not want to give you money.
You protected me when Mr. Red Truck ran me off the road, but still I find no solace in your seat. Like a true American car you keep running with a tune up and some parts, and if you must die, you insist on dying with style. Though one day, all cars go to metal heavan, please prolong your stay on Earth by a few more years. Please no longer require money from our wallets aside from oil changes and food to keep you going.
Do your duty oh American car and fight the good fight.
I do not hold you responsible for bad wheel bearings that left me stranded on Sunday. You are only as good as your parts, and your parts were bad. Your brand new part was bad.
My neurologist gave me the green light, well the 90% green light. My GP and the neuro had mentioned MS as a possibility. So I was scared to death. I have seen both ends of the MS spectrum. A really good friend of mine's mother has lived with MS for years and remains a positive, outgoing, vivacious, active member of society. My dad's cousin however no longer has the ability to speak, is confined to her bed and also prisoner so-to-speak to all her thoughts that can not escape through her lips. My cervical spine and brain MRI was perfect. 90% of the time, patients with MS typically will have lesions in one of the scans. He wanted to do another of my lower spine and a spinal tap, but I declined. He said if I have another flare-up, we'll go from there.
HOWEVER, true to form, one problem leading to another, one road leading to the next (that would be one doctors office leading to the next)...they found a lesion on my thyroid...or parathyroid. So off I go to a general surgeon. Another cut, another slice, another scar. Another day. When can I STOP being a patient and just be a wife and a mom?
For most people, I am just some freak of nature that either causes these things or just has the worst luck. Since I can't cause a lesion, or the laundry list of other things, I go with option 2. I have had to learn that others can think what they want, and I just don't care anymore. I can't.
Could the lesion be cancer, sure, but unlikely. But if it is, I can honestly say that, "Frankly Scarlett, I just don't give a damn". Not sure if I got that one right. Cancer shmanser. My mom has beaten the beast twice and if this particular beast has chosen me, it is notoriously the weakest cancer beast alive. It'll just be a pain in the butt for everyone. I come from a long line of strength, and when it counts, my genes kick in. Worried? Nope. Annoyed? Very much so.
We went to visit the inlaws this weekend. It's funny, there are so many jokes and sympathies that comes with the "inlaw" term. I don't really have those. They are my family too. Of course we all do things differently. But who can honestly say that they do things exactly the way their own mothers, fathers, sister or brothers do things? No one can say that. It doesn't happen. Diversity is what makes a family fun, it keeps us talking and it keeps us moving. How boring would life be if each and every one of us did the same thing?
My youngest sister in law graduated from her radiology tech program. It's amazing that at 20 years old her whole world will be open for her. She will make a true living and be independent at 20. Her sister did the same thing. There is something to be said for making good choices, making great ones, and making the right ones. They made the right decisions for them and they are and will be very successful because of it. I hope she is as excited and as proud as her smile shows her to be. She has worked hard, overcome some things and has come out on the other side a beautiful young woman, ready to tackle the world. Go Ally!
My nieces and nephews are amazing. Again, so different. Payton loves them all so very much and they are all so sweet to her. Even the budding young man Chase has a soft spot in his heart for all his young, female counter parts.
I can only imagine the pride that their parents feel, let alone the grandparents. The kids are all well behaved and exhibit great manners when expected, and enough spunk when needed! They are all beautiful. So many girls, yet none of them the same. Brenna, so laid back, smart, amazing with the little ones. Avery, a bubbling little brook of beauty, curly hair and enough priss to go around. She's shy but outgoing, sensitive and gives some great hugs. Kinny and Cade - they are funny. Kinny and Payton play so well together. Cade has made so much progress in his communication and is growing and changing each time I see him.
Alyssa is a little momma and little woman in a little girls body. She of course fits right in with her peers. Her long brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin radiate each time I see her. The girls has some legs, let me tell ya. Ashlynn (did I even spell her name right? Oh boy) just turned 4. Dora, Dora, Dora. And Vera Bradley of course. Addison is getting so big. So big in fact, I believe she is now taller than Emery.
I feel like I don't see them much, but those are the things that stick out about them. They are very sweet and loving children. A pleasure.
I had the opportunity to play Vera Bradley Bingo while I was there. The misconception that Bingo was strictly for the elderly has been washed away! I had so much fun! No, I didn't win a bag much to my own disappointment, but fun it was. Watch out Bingo ladies. Next time I'm coming with my gold-plated Bingo stamper thingy!
--------
Dear Car,
While you have taken me many places, I'm not sure I appreciate you. You have rescued us at a time of financial instability, but I don't feel stable. You have suffered the wear and tear of 125,000 miles, but still I feel you owe me more. Why? Because I do not want to fix you any more. I do not want to give you money.
You protected me when Mr. Red Truck ran me off the road, but still I find no solace in your seat. Like a true American car you keep running with a tune up and some parts, and if you must die, you insist on dying with style. Though one day, all cars go to metal heavan, please prolong your stay on Earth by a few more years. Please no longer require money from our wallets aside from oil changes and food to keep you going.
Do your duty oh American car and fight the good fight.
I do not hold you responsible for bad wheel bearings that left me stranded on Sunday. You are only as good as your parts, and your parts were bad. Your brand new part was bad.
Monday, May 10, 2010
A Report Card
2 A's and 2 B's...pretty good I'd say for going back with three little ones! Thank you Clark! :)
So today I decided (after much nap protesting from Emery) that the girls could have their quiet time together. I am not sure if I'd use the word mistake. Funny? Yes.
I am feeding Jack, trying to get him down for his nap, hoping and praying that the girls don't bust out of Payton's room and run in. I can hear faint giggling, the pitter-patter of toddler feet. Then, I hear Laurie Berkner loud and clear coming from Payton's CD player. I guess she figured out how to turn that on. So a nap, turned to a dance party.
So today I decided (after much nap protesting from Emery) that the girls could have their quiet time together. I am not sure if I'd use the word mistake. Funny? Yes.
I am feeding Jack, trying to get him down for his nap, hoping and praying that the girls don't bust out of Payton's room and run in. I can hear faint giggling, the pitter-patter of toddler feet. Then, I hear Laurie Berkner loud and clear coming from Payton's CD player. I guess she figured out how to turn that on. So a nap, turned to a dance party.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
And We Have a Crawler!
He did it! After numerous attempts to move those little legs, little Jack is on the move. Payton and I were little cheerleaders this morning as he made the long journey from the living room into the dining room. It's great for her to share those moments, hopefully she will remember that kind of stuff. It seems as though it's as exciting for her as it is for me. My little man, my last little baby is growing up and is one the move!
We were watching videos of Payton when she was about 19 months, the same age as Emery is now. We knew there was a difference. How could there not be, my little Emery made her debut into this world months before she was supposed to and big sister certainly did not. Payton was singing the ABC's, doing "Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes" and showing off many other talents.
It's taboo to compare, and I'm not truly comparing, but they are at completely different cognitive levels for the same age. As I say that, my little Emery is smart. When I say "little", I mean little. The girl is still wearing 12 months (and can even wear 9 months) at 19 months. Doctor assures me all is well, but a mom can't help but worry a bit.
Small or not, she packs a punch! She's adding to her vocabulary weekly and while she can't put two words together, she has words. Each step and each accomplishment I feel is a small victory to us. She waddles around the house, full of life and laughter. She is in complete and total love with Payton. There is nothing better than a big sister in her book.
Right now, she's carrying around her baby-dolls. Her dolls HAVE to be without their clothes, not sure why - but the girl loves a naked baby! She loves them, 'feeds' them and rocks them. She's independent with a dependency on kisses, hugs and tickles. Like Payton, she's particular. She likes certain toys in a row, or separated just so. But at the same time, she's partial to dumping a whole basket of toys out on the floor. I think she would roll around on them as well if it didn't hurt.
She's taken a liking to sleeping on the floor. My poor little baby. We are trying to help her to continue her great sleeping pattern; going to to sleep by herself. She's not a fan anymore. I know it's probably age, but she wants mommy or daddy there the entire time. So we reluctantly let her cry. Never for more than about 5 minutes or so, but she doesn't last that long. She thinks she's 'defying' us by refusing to sleep in her bed, so she sleeps on the floor, next to the door until we put her back in bed asleep. Kind of makes my heart break!
I don't talk about Emery a lot. I do more NOW, but I didn't before. She was my first true frightening experience. When she was born, she was taken from me via c-section. As they wheeled her by they let me see her as I was lying on the table. They brought the isolette by and I couldn't find her. Then I saw her little face buried amidst the blankets. I was struck with the severity of the situation immediately. I could hear the echo of my heart racing on the monitor, a lump formed in my throat and tears were pouring down the sides of my face. It was a silent cry that twisted my insides apart. All my energy and emotions were with her so I didn't have the ability to make a sound.
Before something happens that could be dangerous, you never truly 'get it'. It was when I saw her and heard her that I knew things were bad. Things were going to be scary and my little girl may not live to tell her story. But, by the grace of God my tiny little girl took her uphill battle like a walk in the park. She completed her NICU stay 'by the book'. Seven weeks and one day later, she came home.
I had distanced myself from her, or distanced my heart I should say. I didn't want to feel loss if there was to be a loss. I didn't want to feel any of it. I wasn't even able to feel her against my skin until 6 days after she was born.
But just the way she sailed through her time in the NICU, she has sailed through life and all the changes that have been inflicted upon her. New homes, new baby, sick mommy.
My kids are strong, my kids are wonderful. They each have their own special stories and have each already overcome so much. And, they're kinda cute too. :)
We were watching videos of Payton when she was about 19 months, the same age as Emery is now. We knew there was a difference. How could there not be, my little Emery made her debut into this world months before she was supposed to and big sister certainly did not. Payton was singing the ABC's, doing "Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes" and showing off many other talents.
It's taboo to compare, and I'm not truly comparing, but they are at completely different cognitive levels for the same age. As I say that, my little Emery is smart. When I say "little", I mean little. The girl is still wearing 12 months (and can even wear 9 months) at 19 months. Doctor assures me all is well, but a mom can't help but worry a bit.
Small or not, she packs a punch! She's adding to her vocabulary weekly and while she can't put two words together, she has words. Each step and each accomplishment I feel is a small victory to us. She waddles around the house, full of life and laughter. She is in complete and total love with Payton. There is nothing better than a big sister in her book.
Right now, she's carrying around her baby-dolls. Her dolls HAVE to be without their clothes, not sure why - but the girl loves a naked baby! She loves them, 'feeds' them and rocks them. She's independent with a dependency on kisses, hugs and tickles. Like Payton, she's particular. She likes certain toys in a row, or separated just so. But at the same time, she's partial to dumping a whole basket of toys out on the floor. I think she would roll around on them as well if it didn't hurt.
She's taken a liking to sleeping on the floor. My poor little baby. We are trying to help her to continue her great sleeping pattern; going to to sleep by herself. She's not a fan anymore. I know it's probably age, but she wants mommy or daddy there the entire time. So we reluctantly let her cry. Never for more than about 5 minutes or so, but she doesn't last that long. She thinks she's 'defying' us by refusing to sleep in her bed, so she sleeps on the floor, next to the door until we put her back in bed asleep. Kind of makes my heart break!
I don't talk about Emery a lot. I do more NOW, but I didn't before. She was my first true frightening experience. When she was born, she was taken from me via c-section. As they wheeled her by they let me see her as I was lying on the table. They brought the isolette by and I couldn't find her. Then I saw her little face buried amidst the blankets. I was struck with the severity of the situation immediately. I could hear the echo of my heart racing on the monitor, a lump formed in my throat and tears were pouring down the sides of my face. It was a silent cry that twisted my insides apart. All my energy and emotions were with her so I didn't have the ability to make a sound.
Before something happens that could be dangerous, you never truly 'get it'. It was when I saw her and heard her that I knew things were bad. Things were going to be scary and my little girl may not live to tell her story. But, by the grace of God my tiny little girl took her uphill battle like a walk in the park. She completed her NICU stay 'by the book'. Seven weeks and one day later, she came home.
I had distanced myself from her, or distanced my heart I should say. I didn't want to feel loss if there was to be a loss. I didn't want to feel any of it. I wasn't even able to feel her against my skin until 6 days after she was born.
But just the way she sailed through her time in the NICU, she has sailed through life and all the changes that have been inflicted upon her. New homes, new baby, sick mommy.
My kids are strong, my kids are wonderful. They each have their own special stories and have each already overcome so much. And, they're kinda cute too. :)
Friday, May 7, 2010
Mothers Day...Coming Soon
Payton's preschool did such a great job of celebrating their mothers! They sang a couple of songs and did interviews. I'll admit, I was scared to death of what Payton would say about me; "mommy has a boo-boo and lays on the couch" or "mommy is always sick". But I was pleasantly surprised. The last question was "you love mommy beacuse..." her answer was, "Because I love my family". It is so wonderful to me that she holds us all so dear. That girls loves her family unit and can't STAND it when it's 'broken' apart (work, school, ect).
I feel like I always make depressive posts about things. Don't get me wrong, I love my life (well a couple extra bucks would be great) and I CERTAINLY love my babies and my husband. But, it's days like Mother's Day that leave me feeling inadequate in many ways. Sure, I've had surgery and have been down for a bit. I know that alone will require time to get my energy back. But sometimes, I feel less than a mother.
I never hear of other mom's completely lacking in energy, I don't hear them feel overwhelmed. Is it just me? Is there something wrong with me?
Each and every one of my children are perfect and amazing in so many different ways. I shower them with kisses, hugs and cuddles. We laugh together, we play together (when I can stop cleaning and making sure the house isn't a complete disaster!).
But sometimes I am short with them and overwhelmed. I am tired, tired to the bone. I am 28. Why?
I can only hope that they don't see as much fault in me as I see in myself. I hope they will see me one day as I see my own mother. Strong, educated and hardworking - but most of all, I hope they see me as a woman that love them with all of my being and would do anything for them. That's who my mom is - I hope I can be like her.
I feel like I always make depressive posts about things. Don't get me wrong, I love my life (well a couple extra bucks would be great) and I CERTAINLY love my babies and my husband. But, it's days like Mother's Day that leave me feeling inadequate in many ways. Sure, I've had surgery and have been down for a bit. I know that alone will require time to get my energy back. But sometimes, I feel less than a mother.
I never hear of other mom's completely lacking in energy, I don't hear them feel overwhelmed. Is it just me? Is there something wrong with me?
Each and every one of my children are perfect and amazing in so many different ways. I shower them with kisses, hugs and cuddles. We laugh together, we play together (when I can stop cleaning and making sure the house isn't a complete disaster!).
But sometimes I am short with them and overwhelmed. I am tired, tired to the bone. I am 28. Why?
I can only hope that they don't see as much fault in me as I see in myself. I hope they will see me one day as I see my own mother. Strong, educated and hardworking - but most of all, I hope they see me as a woman that love them with all of my being and would do anything for them. That's who my mom is - I hope I can be like her.
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