As hard as the day to day might be at times, as hard as we struggle to make ends meet - we are truly blessed.
My babies are beautiful, full of life and spirit and certainly full of strength.
For a bonus on a test, my professor asked us to write down 5 things that we were thankful for. Odd addition to a math test I'll admit, but nice. To take a moment and think of the great things in life help to shove the not so good in their place.
Clark and I are blessed to have each other. We have been through so much in a marriage that is approaching 5 years. I feel blessed to know that no matter what, no matter why, he loves me and supports me. He thinks I am a wonderful mother and I suppose he thinks I'm worth keeping as a wife as well. It's nice to know that no matter what - he supports us and loves us.
I think when you become a mother, you also become a target. The way you do things will never be the way that others would do them. But what I have learned is that you always do the best you can. You always do what's best for your family. There is always someone who will disagree, there is always someone who would do things differently. But that's okay. That's life.
We are blessed to have an amazing family. I venture to say there aren't too many people out there that can attest to the fact that they have family, no matter what side, that drop everything and come to your side. It is because of the love of our family that we have made it through very hard times. It is also because of family that we have a blast through the great times as well.
Today I am loving my large family. From North Carolina to West Virginia, I couldn't have picked a more loving more perfect set of people to call 'ours'.
So today, we are absolutely blessed.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Hall of Turtles
There are little turtles painted on the floor of the pediatric intensive care unit. "Turtles survived the Earth's ages of ice and continue to flourish. ", turtles are the "symbol of the primal mother", and others believe the turtle is associated with longevity, great age, and wisdom.
So, I guess it's fitting that the marker to Jack's room has a little turtle next to the number 17. He has survived so much...his own little ice age. The nurses are all like mothers, with a refreshing and seemingly innate desire to care for and love the children that are in PICU. I hope too that Jack is like a turtle. I pray that he will have longevity and great age. I can look in his young little eyes and see a wisdom that can only come from the places that he has been in such a short period of time. My little man, I love you so.
His little lips have been pursed, his eyes streaming with tears. He's miserable, and I can't help. He crackles and wheezes, cries in pain. But, he has his little moments when he smiles and his dimples come through and the light in his eyes shines. I live for those.
It's hard enough to stand by and watch helplessly, hold him while he cries; but it almost takes my breath away when he's looking for me to rescue him while they stick an IV, suction, do a procedure and I can't.
I think if you have more than 2 children, you should automatically get a clone of yourself to bring out of the closet in certain situations. Yesterday, Jack was in one hospital while Emery was in another. I was faced with a choice I would prefer to not be faced with. I had to choose which child to stay with, which child needed me more. Neither of them would have known the difference, but I did. I had to choose Jack. I had to choose Jack over Emery. He was sicker, yes, Emery had her daddy and family, but I still had to choose and I couldn't choose both.
I would give the world to hold all of my children, and give them all lots of hugs and kisses. But I'll take one day at a time. I can't hold them all, if they aren't all at home.
As much as I can't stand the mis-matched carpet, the awful wallpaper, ancient drapery and lack of a coastal breeze, I'd pay a million dollars to sit on that old carpet with my babies, all together, and just breath.
Coming from a girl who never wanted to be married, and certainly never wanted children, I absolute, positively can't wait to kiss my husband and laugh with my babies.
So, I guess it's fitting that the marker to Jack's room has a little turtle next to the number 17. He has survived so much...his own little ice age. The nurses are all like mothers, with a refreshing and seemingly innate desire to care for and love the children that are in PICU. I hope too that Jack is like a turtle. I pray that he will have longevity and great age. I can look in his young little eyes and see a wisdom that can only come from the places that he has been in such a short period of time. My little man, I love you so.
His little lips have been pursed, his eyes streaming with tears. He's miserable, and I can't help. He crackles and wheezes, cries in pain. But, he has his little moments when he smiles and his dimples come through and the light in his eyes shines. I live for those.
It's hard enough to stand by and watch helplessly, hold him while he cries; but it almost takes my breath away when he's looking for me to rescue him while they stick an IV, suction, do a procedure and I can't.
I think if you have more than 2 children, you should automatically get a clone of yourself to bring out of the closet in certain situations. Yesterday, Jack was in one hospital while Emery was in another. I was faced with a choice I would prefer to not be faced with. I had to choose which child to stay with, which child needed me more. Neither of them would have known the difference, but I did. I had to choose Jack. I had to choose Jack over Emery. He was sicker, yes, Emery had her daddy and family, but I still had to choose and I couldn't choose both.
I would give the world to hold all of my children, and give them all lots of hugs and kisses. But I'll take one day at a time. I can't hold them all, if they aren't all at home.
As much as I can't stand the mis-matched carpet, the awful wallpaper, ancient drapery and lack of a coastal breeze, I'd pay a million dollars to sit on that old carpet with my babies, all together, and just breath.
Coming from a girl who never wanted to be married, and certainly never wanted children, I absolute, positively can't wait to kiss my husband and laugh with my babies.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Dear Blog
If you would quit requiring me to reset my password every time I want to post, then I would probably post more often!
-----
It's March! My birthday is around the corner and I will be a whopping 28 years old...I think. One starts to loose track after 25 I think.
For the first time in quite some time, the sun is shining through the curtains. If the warm weather would follow, it would be a perfect day. What to do when the sun is shining but the weather is cold? Probably stay inside.
Jack is getting his first tooth. The top was barely sticking out this morning. I'll admit it, I cried...just for a minute. It's the beginning of the last of our baby firsts. Don't get me wrong, I am more than satisfied with the number of children. Still, it's bitter sweet in some ways.
My little Emery is crazed. Absolutely crazed. She is for sure a climber, in all aspects of the word. If you turn your back you are likely to find her on the side table, the dining room table or Clarks computer desk. She of course thinks this is hilarious. Busy, busy, busy that one.
Payton looks like she has grown about 10 inches and acts like she has aged a couple of years (sometimes). She is such a wonderful big sister, a little mommy. She wants to do everything for the babies, well, most of the time! I try to tell her it's not her responsibility, but she says, "but mommy I want to!". So I let her help me sometimes.
School is going well, all to the credit of Clark I have to say. It's so nice to have the full support of your husband. I couldn't imagine trying to take this on and NOT have someone so loving and willing to do anything to help me succeed.
It seems like every time I have tried to go to school, I got pregnant! So now fours and three children later, we are trying it again! I WILL be a nurse!
There are a lot of people who question my ability to do this and the time I have to spend away from home. While they are right in thinking it will be hard, and it's hard for me to be away; the end result will make for a much brighter future for the family as a whole. We try to keep our eye on the 'prize' so-to-speak. That will make it all worth it in the end. The degree will certainly make me happy, I know that. But, it will also allow Payton to continue to be in gymnastics if she wants, allow Emery and Jack to explore what they enjoy. It will give us the opportunity to enrich their lives...the opportunity that one income with a family of five will not allow us to do.
Every family wants to give the world to their children. We do too, but the world comes at a price. We have to work, and work hard to get to that place. The place where headaches come from the noise of fighting and a dirty house, instead of the overwhelming sickness that comes from looking at your bottom line. We'll get there. But until we do, we'll keep on going and keep on making them smile as best we know how. Lots of love, lots of play and lots of time together. After all, that's what they will remember.
-----
It's March! My birthday is around the corner and I will be a whopping 28 years old...I think. One starts to loose track after 25 I think.
For the first time in quite some time, the sun is shining through the curtains. If the warm weather would follow, it would be a perfect day. What to do when the sun is shining but the weather is cold? Probably stay inside.
Jack is getting his first tooth. The top was barely sticking out this morning. I'll admit it, I cried...just for a minute. It's the beginning of the last of our baby firsts. Don't get me wrong, I am more than satisfied with the number of children. Still, it's bitter sweet in some ways.
My little Emery is crazed. Absolutely crazed. She is for sure a climber, in all aspects of the word. If you turn your back you are likely to find her on the side table, the dining room table or Clarks computer desk. She of course thinks this is hilarious. Busy, busy, busy that one.
Payton looks like she has grown about 10 inches and acts like she has aged a couple of years (sometimes). She is such a wonderful big sister, a little mommy. She wants to do everything for the babies, well, most of the time! I try to tell her it's not her responsibility, but she says, "but mommy I want to!". So I let her help me sometimes.
School is going well, all to the credit of Clark I have to say. It's so nice to have the full support of your husband. I couldn't imagine trying to take this on and NOT have someone so loving and willing to do anything to help me succeed.
It seems like every time I have tried to go to school, I got pregnant! So now fours and three children later, we are trying it again! I WILL be a nurse!
There are a lot of people who question my ability to do this and the time I have to spend away from home. While they are right in thinking it will be hard, and it's hard for me to be away; the end result will make for a much brighter future for the family as a whole. We try to keep our eye on the 'prize' so-to-speak. That will make it all worth it in the end. The degree will certainly make me happy, I know that. But, it will also allow Payton to continue to be in gymnastics if she wants, allow Emery and Jack to explore what they enjoy. It will give us the opportunity to enrich their lives...the opportunity that one income with a family of five will not allow us to do.
Every family wants to give the world to their children. We do too, but the world comes at a price. We have to work, and work hard to get to that place. The place where headaches come from the noise of fighting and a dirty house, instead of the overwhelming sickness that comes from looking at your bottom line. We'll get there. But until we do, we'll keep on going and keep on making them smile as best we know how. Lots of love, lots of play and lots of time together. After all, that's what they will remember.
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